Today I am taking baby steps. Really infant steps. Pushing any negative thought out of my head. Refusing to think about the meteor shower of problems of the past months leading up to this big porcelain deadline I've been talking about.
We shipped out a box of little porcelain pins yesterday. We knew I could not get all 600 made in the short time left. We did our best. We kept working through the problems.
Now we have a lot to digest, to evaluate, to pray about. Changes to make. Think of it as a Monday morning football team looking at the film of the game on the weekend to see how to improve.
Only, our coach is God, and He likes to make us wait for understanding...that is, wait until His timing is just right. It is too heavy a topic to think about today, so all I am able to pray is, "I trust you God. I don't understand why it has been so difficult, but I trust You".
The last 18 months of challenges have been too difficult for there NOT to be something God wants us to change or learn.
We have other deadlines to meet, but Gordon and I are so very, very tired today.
I had slowed down to just being able to complete two or three pieces of porcelain per day. Practically a zombie.
You've been there, I'm sure. Work and work until you run yourself into the ground. Breaking down physically or emotionally. Then you have to rest whether you want to or not.
I've tried to learn over the years to identify when a breaking point is fast approaching so that I can shut down and sleep and restore and begin again with little baby steps before my emotional rubber band completely breaks..
So today, I've tuned out the phone, unless it is Mama or Unc calling for some reason. I've deleted some junk emails...that always feels refreshing to zap them with that "Trash" button, sentencing them to email purgatory.
Now, I've blogged a short post to share with you...also refreshing. Another tiny baby step of accomplishment to make me feel like I have completed something...not wasted the day. I'm very results oriented. *sigh*
In a little bit, I plan to change the sheets and then prop up in my huge nest of pillows on our bed and fold clothes. Needless to say, I am very behind on laundry.
Laundry is comforting to me, especially folding it. Sweet Gordon has already washed the dishes, but I'm not ready to tackle a big clean up of counters and floors and organization.
No, perched like a Chinese princess among clean, lavender scented pillows with four little snuggly Westies snoozing nearby...that is the therapy I need this afternoon.
Watching favorite television reruns, the hot western sun filtered through a quilt. The quilt looks like a stained glass window when the sun backlights it. We use quilts on many of our windows. They make me happy.
As Scarlett so wisely said, "Tomorrow is another day".
I can take larger steps tomorrow, hopefully. And even larger steps the next day and the next day...until my emotional rubber band has its elasticity back.
Usually, after this process, God has conveyed what He wants us to learn or change.
Please understand I'm not looking for sympathy. I have a deep sense of calm that we are supposed to rest today and that everything will work out for the best. Somehow, Gordon and I both sense that we are right where God wants us to be at this moment.
And for some reason, I feel the need to be transparent for you and share with you the joys AND the challenges of pursuing a life of art.