Oh, dear. The flood gates opened a little while ago.
All day I have been thinking about our rescue Westie Annie who died two months and two days ago. I miss her so much, and at the same time, it seems like she died years ago.
Little Jenny B has brought so much life into this house.She is indeed my little girl, and she cries when I leave the room without her. Lillibeth is so loving. So is Mackie and Charlotte and the big girls. Annie was just very very special.
Then I realized this was the first Mother's Day spent without my mother, who died January 5th of this year. No red corsage for me this year. I cannot believe it has been four months since she died. It also feels like she died years ago. Why is that?
Does your family still observe that old tradition? If your mother is alive, you wear a red flower or corsage to church? If she is not alive, you wear a white flower or corsage.
I remember feeling sad for Daddy who always wore a white flower in his lapel. (My grandmother Julia Swinney Sanford died when I was six months old.)
Then it was my Grandmother Hamer who wore a white coursage. Then my mother wore a white corsage. Now me.
Time marches on.
Once Grandma grew red and white roses specifically for the families on the farm to all have white or red roses to wear to church on Mother's Day. Years ago, Mama and Unc sat down and talked about the specific rose varieties Grandma grew for that purpose. I took notes frantically while they talked and shared family stories. Those notes are somewhere.
I'm a little glad I cannot find those notes tonight. It would be too sad to realize how far things have changed here....from growing roses to give all the people relying on this farm for sustenance...to today when just three people live on the family farm.
And there will be no family members to follow us.
Many of you have told me these "I miss Mama" moments will hit out of the blue...for years to come, maybe for the rest of my life.